Why Do You Feel Lonely After Sex? What Can You Do About It?

We go into a sexual encounter to feel the love and connection with our partner. If we go into an encounter without taking the time to feel present and connect we might miss the entire point of the encounter. For example Kevin and Jackie had a 3 step sex strategy: Get in, get off, get out. It felt like a chore and she felt lonely because something was missing. Intimacy!

Maybe you are both present and connected and right before climax one of you checks out and goes to a fantasy to help ‘finish’. When either of you checks out the other knows it, feels abandoned and at the most vulnerable intimate time and this is feels like loneliness.

Intimacy is the bodies communication bond and trust it's what makes you feel connected and leaves you wanting more. Stay present, let your partner feel that they are wanted, desired, safe and loved.

Here are 3 things that will increase the feeling of connection.

1. Begin with my signature sound mmhmm, this will get you both in the same mood, synchronize your breathing, heart beats and brainwaves.
2. Open your eyes, look at each other. In-to-me-see.
3. Say each others names. We all want to hear our name spoken on the lips of love.

Stay connected. Let your partner know that you are there for them and with them. That it is them that you desire want and adore. I hope this helps.

A Sweet Way To Initiate ~ The Candy Dish For Anticipation

Q: I’m the one always initiating sex. In all the years that we have been together she never reaches for me. When we do have sex she never tells me what she wants. We argue more and I find myself less attracted to her. I don’t feel desirable and I worry about our future. Can you help us?

A: It makes sense that you would feel less attracted. You want to feel desired, wanted and delicious. There can be a lot of reasons she is uncomfortable communicating about sex, for a lot of people the word ‘sex’ is triggering. It’s also possible that she doesn't know how or what she wants. Whatever the reason, initiating with the Candy Dish gives her a new, playful, simple wordless way to bypass negative self talk and empower her in a way that is not overwhelming her. Be sure to have a designated 'date night' and on that day let her define which jellybeans mean which treat. You can always eat it and start all over again. Green jellybeans might mean a foot massage followed by a long, slow, sticky, lollipop. Got Candy!?  

Watch my full TEDx for more.

Prostate Health Care Pleasure & Erections.

I love the prostate. It is responsible for my career. I started my unique journey researching prostate health and erectile dysfunction because it was affecting my marriage. I was determined to fix it, I’m like that. I researched erectile dysfunction, the pelvic floor, the prostate and endocrine glandular system. With all of that research and knowledge I then became a certified therapist to support the psychological, social and emotional components. 

It's my mission for men, and couples, to have fully expressed sensual playful, connected, confident, satisfying, healing, intimate physical connection. No matter what was going on in their lives or with his Big Ole Boy 'BOB'.

As I say: The best sex a woman’s ever going to have
has nothing to do with a hard-on and
I can prove it in one word ~ lesbians. 

The blue pill might get him erect but it won’t help with intimacy, performance anxiety or confidence. It takes skills to be a great lover and skills can be learned. 

I believe, and it's been my experience with thousands of clients, that physical intimacy builds the body's communication, bond and emotional trust. From there, the emotional traumas, resentments and frustrations start to heal and dissipate.

Back to the prostate... Here are 6 FAQs that I want you to know and understand. 

1: What is a prostate?
Prostate is a walnut sized gland which makes part of the semen that mixes with sperm from the testicles. It surrounds part of the urethra, the pee-tube and sits below the bladder which is why an enlarged prostate increases frequency of urination. Take care of your wal-nuts!

2: What is a PSA test? 
Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) is a protein produced within the prostate gland and is secreted into seminal fluid. The PSA test can detect high levels of PSA that may indicate the presence of prostate cancer. However, many other conditions, such as an enlarged or inflamed prostate, can also increase PSA levels. Therefore, diagnosing the reason for a high number can be complicated. 

3: How do you know if you might have an enlarged prostate? 
If you are getting up more than 1.5x in the night to urinate you might have a slightly enlarged prostate, more than twice and you should get it checked. You can also check it yourself with your index finger so that you know what it feels like when it's enlarged or not, unfortunately it's impossible to give yourself a prostate massage or you might not leave the house, cuz it would feel so good. 

4: My prostate is enlarged what do I do?
Get a proper prostate massage if you can, this helps moves the fluid through the ducts and urethra which will then reduce inflammation. It is my experience that with care, men can keep prostate enlargement under control. There are specific prostate massagers (toys) that rub against your prostate while having orgasm contractions which may help. (I will get to suggesting some on my site.)

5: My prostate is not enlarged what can I do to keep it healthy?
Thorough complete ejaculations is your best bet. I will post a video on why men are not getting full ejaculations and the best way to fully empty your prostate during November and email you a link. Foods that may increase PSA numbers are coffee, sugar and meat. Foods that support prostate health are pomegranate, watermelon and seeds such as pumpkin and sunflower seeds. 

6: What about the prostate and pleasure?
Yup. Properly administered pressure on the prostate can bring intense pleasure and help with full complete thorough (mind blowing) ejaculations. More about this another time... 

I've supported thousands of men and couples dealing with the affects of prostate and other sexual health issues. If you or someone you know has a prostate or erectile concern or question I'm happy to help them find ways to continue to experience a full satisfying intimate sex life. Please contact me for a FREE consultation.

Imagine what it means to a man to go into an intimate encounter 
feeling performance confidence instead of performance anxiety.
  

Care for each other so you can be dangerous together.®
~Amy Color

HELPFUL PROSTATE MASSAGERS
Small / 1 finger: Aneros Helix Medium / 2 fingers tight: Aneros Maximus
Large / 2 fingers feels so good: Aneros Prograsm

SOME HELPFUL VIDEOS
Read here for more info on prostate health and here for more info on prostate cancer. And here's a truly helpful simple video on sperm release pathway.

Avoiding Sex Because Of Unpre-Dick-tability?

Q: I can't always get hard and when I do it doesn't really stay hard... I avoid sex with my wife becaue it's too disappointing. This feels hopeless to me. I don't want her to know I've contacted you, can you help? 

A: It makes sense. You feel like if you can't finish the game, why even start? I get it! BOB* can be so unpredicktable. *Big Ole Boy.
Y
ou may think this is your 'problem' therefore you need to fix it, but this affects both of you and i want you to know it can lead to an even better sex life. 

I remember the first time I talked with Scott and Carol, a couple in a similar situation. I said to him "Congratulations! You're about to learn how to be a real lover!" 

By allowing sex to be about sensual pleasure and curiosity like they did when they met as teenagers they transformed their sexless frustration into intimate physical connection. Allow variety into your pleasure, imagination, tongues, fingers and toys and you will never be disappointed. Great sex is about so much more than BOB in Vag. 
Don't let lack of an erection stop you from enjoying a delicious, intimate, sensual, adventurous and alive sex life. 

Are you ready for better intimacy and sex? Here are 3 ways to 'set the mood'.

 

 

Getting in the mood -together- is about calming the mind and synchronizing your rhythms. Here are three simple steps to follow. 

‘Create a state change’

Agree to connect by dropping resentment and to-do’s on the other side of the door. Leave your phones, chores and expectations to be present and connected. Put a scarf over the lamp* so you know we are not in the bedroom to organize the drawers or just talk, you came to enjoy physically intimacy.

‘Like music to my ears’

Just like in sports there’s the pregame music that pumps-you-up then National Anthem that unites you. Nothing sets the mood like music. Do you feel like a tango, two-step or twerk. Make playlists that are just for you and your team mate. You can make different ones for romance, play time, do make one just for repair and another one that’s just for those secret erotic adventures. 

'Say my name, say my name’

We all love to hear our name spoken lovingly it calms the nervous system especially from someone who loves us. Pet names are great, and I also want yours lips to hold their public name the safest. Say your partners name lovingly into their neck, chest and especially into their private parts during private moments for extra impact. Hearing your name spoken lovingly from your partner dramatically increases intimacy and connection. 

 

How do I know if I am on the G-Spot?

I have a question for your consideration. It concerns the female G spot! I know what it is I think! But how can a man (or couple) know if the magic spot has been found and this marvellous pleasure centre activated? Thanks in advance for your advice! — Ron

Here are a few ways to know if you are on the ever elusive G-Spot, which does exist. Believe me! 

Location Location Location. 

The G-Spot is inside the vagina, on the front side, right above the pubic bone about 1-1.5” just inside of her on the same side as her belly and the area feels bumpy like the roof of your mouth. 

Stimulation. 

Using two fingers, try the middle and ring, some like index and middle find what works for you both. Next is the part when you have to really listen to your partners pleasure, either tap or stroke ‘hither’ and you might need to tap hard or soft, and it might change each and every time you go to touch her. Because every time of the month her sensations are completely different. Tune in to your partner. 

Sometimes women experience this sensation as uncomfortable or that they have to pee. If she is uncomfortable go softer and try stroking side to side instead. You know it is the oh GEEZ-SPOT when it starts to swell and feel spongy like the part of your palm right under the thumb, then find the stroking/tapping that works for her and you will feel it continue to expand and move even closer to her external area. **
If she has to pee tell her not to worry about it, it is not usually pee but the closest to this strange sensation of fluids building in the skene gland. At this point if she ‘bares down’ she might even squirt. 
Release all expectations other than curiosity, exploration and pleasure.

Drop me a line and let me know how this tip worked for you. 

**The G-Spot is approximately 1-1.5” in and moves outward as she gets turned on. This is partly why ‘size does not matter’. Just sayin’! 

Can you help me with my oral skills? I would love to be able to satisfy a woman orally.

Q: Would you be able to help me with my oral skills? I would love to be able to satisfy a woman orally, but feel that I'm not doing it right, or perhaps I need more practice.

A: The key to good anything is skill, but in intimacy it is mostly presence. Presence allows you the ability to read your partner’s cues and respond in a way that promotes more pleasure, which is the ultimate goal. 

I can teach you to explore and respond to her pleasure, show you where the extra sensitive spots are and the different sensations that you can try ‘for her pleasure’. There are standard moves however, every woman is different, and every time you are with her she is different too, depending on mood, hormones and such.

The key to being a good lover oral or otherwise is to be present, connected and responsive to her pleasure.

I prefer to show you with your partner. Otherwise, I offer a session where you experience presence, connection and how to read a partner’s body, and how to get her to communicate what she likes, with me as your partner, with clear professional boundaries. I also have Betty, my ‘Pussy Puppet,’ where I can show you anatomically and instruct you in various techniques.

Until then, think of it as discovery. Try saying her name into her pussy. Use your tongue - slow, fast, hard, soft. Try the alphabet with your tongue and with sound. Try with a finger or without. Listen for her breathing, her sounds. Let her body speak to you. The key is presence and curiosity, the goal is pleasure, the result may or may not be orgasm.

Enjoy!